Nautilus Than Perfect by K.L. Hiers

Chapter 6.

“ELWOOD?” MERRICK’Svoice was pleading desperately. “Please wake up. Please. You need to wake up.”

“Huh…?” Chase’s vision was fuzzy, and his entire body was aching. He wasn’t in the car, he realized. He was on his back with his head in Merrick’s lap. He had no idea where his hat was. They were over on the sidewalk, and he could hear sirens wailing in the distance.

He could still smell smoke, and he could hear the crackle of flames popping nearby. He was trying to put together what had happened when he remembered the ball of fire swallowing them up.

Oh, and what he’d said to Merrick about where to put that sock.

“Do you trust me?” Merrick asked hurriedly.

“Right now, strong maybe,” Chase mumbled. “What?”

“I need for you to drink some of my seed,” Merrick said, looking quite distressed. “I was not able to get us out of the car in time, and you have been very severely hurt. I am trying to heal you, and my seed is quite potent. It will help.”

“Your… what?” Chase could feel the tickle of a tentacle beneath his shirt, and he could sense that the only thing keeping him from sheer agony was Merrick’s godly touch. “Seed?”

“Yes. Please hurry,” Merrick said urgently. “I want to heal you, but this will be a great risk. I may unintentionally reveal myself.”

“Yes, seed, whatever.” Chase groaned as some of the pain slipped through and made his entire chest throb. “Just do it.”

“Brace yourself.” Merrick pressed his hand to the side of Chase’s face, and a tentacle peeked out from his sleeve.

It was thicker than the others Chase had seen, and there was a small slit at the end. It brushed over Chase’s lips, and he instinctively opened his mouth. He gasped in surprise as the tentacle pushed right inside, and he could taste something—a fluid, sweet and thick—and he swallowed.

The following warmth was hard to describe, but it was similar to dipping into a hot bath or getting a really big hug. Chase felt safe, comforted, and the pain was fading. As he felt better, his thoughts cleared, and he realized he was sucking on Merrick’s tentacle.

Merrick’s expression was soft, almost reverent, and the obvious sexual implication of what they were doing was not lost on Chase. His face was getting hot, and he couldn’t help how his tongue stroked the underside of the tentacle.

For a few precious seconds, he could pretend this wasn’t some very bizarre lifesaving act.

“Elwood,” Merrick breathed. His lashes began to flutter. “That is…. You…. You should not do that. You need to rest.”

Chase sucked as hard as he could.

“Oh!” Merrick gasped, and his eyes widened.

Chase nearly choked as his mouth was flooded with another hot load.

“Elwood!” Merrick was immediately flustered, and the tentacle quickly slithered back down his sleeve. “Are you all right?”

“Mmm.” After licking his lips, Chase grinned sheepishly. “Sorry. I didn’t mean, uh, to do whatever it is I did.”

“It is okay,” Merrick said, though he still seemed worked up. He wiped off his brow and cleared his throat loudly. “I was not expecting that. My apologies. I was… I was not trying to give you so much.”

“Well, it worked,” Chase said, groaning as he sat up. The pain was but a memory now, and he honestly couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this refreshed. “Damn good stuff you got there.”

Merrick looked embarrassed and ducked his head.

Today’s level of weirdness had to be maxed out after almost dying in a flaming car and being saved by a tentacle god’s magical come.

Then again, the day wasn’t over yet.

Chase watched the car burn, and he struggled to think of something else to say. No matter the reason, he had never expected to get this intimate with Merrick, and he didn’t know how to handle the sudden onslaught of emotions.

He wanted to kiss him again, fall into his arms, and beg for a thousand other wonderful things he didn’t have the right to ask for.

Being alive had to be enough.

Chase reached up for his hat and found nothing, certain now the car had claimed it. His clothes weren’t much better off.

“Here.” Merrick offered a very familiar though slightly singed fedora. “I know you are fond of it.” He glanced at Chase’s burned clothing, and the worst of the damage repaired itself. “I am afraid full restoration would be too suspicious, but I hope the state of your hat is acceptable.”

“Thanks.” Chase put it on and leaned his head back. “It looks great. Gives it some character.” He leaned too far and nearly fell over. “So, the fuck happened?”

Merrick reached out to steady him as he replied, “It was another fire trap. This one was set on a timer, and it was cast on the fuel tank of my vehicle.”

“What the fuck?”

“Someone must have followed us from the factory or Mr. Jeffrey Martin’s house.”

“Shit.” Chase narrowed his eyes. “Hey, you can’t blame this one on me.”

“I am not. I am only blaming myself. I have been distracted, and I should have sensed something was wrong.” Merrick hung his head. “I nearly got you killed.”

“It’s not your fault,” Chase scoffed. “Come on. Who the fuck puts a damn fire trap on a fuel tank?”

“I believe it was Mr. Martin,” Merrick said with a scowl. “There is something rotten in him, and I was able to detect its lingering foul presence on the vehicle.” He cringed. “Before it was totally consumed in flames, that is.”

“Sidebar here, but, uh, he’s not a ghoul?”

“No. Something is eating at him, and he is using very strong magic to keep it at bay.” Merrick’s brow furrowed in that very endearing way Chase adored so much. “Ghouls smell like a dead body rotting. This… this is like a living person rotting. I have never seen such magic before.”

“Goody.”

The first fire truck was pulling up now to tend to the flaming car, and several squad cars were right behind it. The streets had mostly cleared already, and officers were quickly dispersing to move anyone left safely out of the way.

“Now you are going to get screened by the medics, and we are returning home to rest,” Merrick said firmly.

“We?”

“It is entirely plausible Mr. Martin and his companions are targeting us now. I am not leaving you unguarded until they are apprehended.”

“Uh….” Chase’s brain went offline when he tried to come up with all the different reasons why that was a terrible idea, and his traitorous tongue replied, “Sure.”

“The captain is going to send both of us home for the day,” Merrick said glumly, “but we should be able to continue working at your place. You have the internet, yes?”

“And food,” Chase replied dumbly. “I, I could cook for you.”

“Unnecessary, and you need to focus on resting your mortal body,” Merrick retorted, looking up as their fellow officers and paramedics swarmed toward them. “Here we go.”

“Yup.”

They were both given oxygen and had their vitals taken repeatedly to ensure they were well. Chase explained Merrick had smelled the smoke and was able to get them out of the car before it caught on fire, and everyone seemed to buy that story.

Chase and Merrick both declined a hospital trip, and as expected, their captain sent them both home for the day. The search for Jeffrey Martin was going to be intensified, and now every officer in the city would know his face.

After all, he’d tried to kill two cops.

Easy way to become very popular.

When it was all over, one of their fellow officers offered to give them a ride back to the station.

“You can take us to Detective Chase’s residence,” Merrick said firmly. “We will make arrangements for transportation to return to the department in the morning.”

Chase didn’t miss how the officer eyed them, and he turned his head to stare out the window to avoid any incriminating expressions. After all, he would have given certain parts of his body for this sort of arrangement under different circumstances, and he was worried his face would give it away.

They thanked the officer for the ride, and Chase hated how apprehensive he felt about Merrick seeing his apartment. He knew he definitely had not left it this morning in any sort of shape for company.

“Don’t mind the mess,” Chase said when he opened the door. “Like, in fact, don’t even look at it. Just close your eyes.”

“Come on,” Merrick snorted as he stepped in behind him. “It really cannot be….” He paused.

The apartment was an absolute disaster. There were several takeout containers and pizza boxes in a haphazard heap in the kitchen, cluttering up the counters, and an impressive beer bottle collection covered both the dining room table and the coffee table in the living room.

“My maid took the week off.” Chase took off his slightly scorched hat and jacket and then stepped into the kitchen to make a drink. He usually stuck to beer or the occasional box of wine, but tonight called for something much stronger.

“Chase.” Merrick followed him, watching him pour a glass of scotch with a disapproving scowl. “First of all, it is too early in the day for alcohol. Secondly, I am very concerned about the sanitation here, or should I say the lack thereof.”

“I was almost set on fire twice today. I’m having a drink, and I’ll get a damn trash bag in a second.” Chase resisted the urge to tip the bottle up. It made him think of Ollie, and he patted his pockets for his phone. He had several new text messages. “Ollie’s started on the translation.”

“Yes?” Merrick perked up. “What does it say?”

Chase read the message twice to make sure he wasn’t imagining it. He took a sip of his drink. And another. And one more. Nope, still wasn’t gonna read this out loud to Merrick, especially after whatever the hell they’d done with his tentacle earlier.

“Well?”

Chase offered his phone.

Merrick looked annoyed, but he took it so he could read. His eyes scanned the text and widened, and he said, “Oh!”

“Uh-huh.” Chase leaned against the counter, watching Merrick read. “Looks like this Collins guy was a bit freaky, huh? I’m not an expert or anything, but ‘his pulsating meaty shaft’ ain’t part of any magical ritual I’ve ever heard of.”

“Not that it matters, but there are many rituals that involve sex,” Merrick mumbled as he handed the phone back. “There is great power in coupling.”

“Is that what happened earlier on the sidewalk? Did we ‘couple’?”

“I did not mean for the act to become so sexual,” Merrick protested, getting flustered again. “As a god, it is quite natural for us to share our seed as a blessing to our worshippers. I prefer to pass it on in a bowl instead of gifting it directly.”

“Kinky.”

“No, it is not!” Merrick planted his hands on his hips and glared. “You are the one whose gutter mind is perverting a sacred rite.”

“Spreading your seed around like that is sacred?” Chase laughed, taking another drink. “How do you not have, like, a zillion kids running around?”

“Our reproduction does not work that way.”

Chase hated how very much interested he was in all of that, but he resisted the urge to ask. He was in enough trouble just having Merrick there.

“Perhaps we should tell Oleander to skip that particular painting?” Merrick suggested, eager to change the subject.

“And miss the chance to watch you squirm while you read about ‘moist channels’? Never.”

Merrick made a face.

Laughing to himself, Chase began to bag up the trash. As he reached for a pizza box, the entire mess vanished. He looked around to find a neat row of trash bags lined up by the front door, and all of the garbage had been whisked away.

He hadn’t heard or seen any sign of Merrick casting a spell, and he was extremely impressed.

“Wow. Uh… thanks.”

“My pleasure.”

“Did you leave a lemony scent too?”

“I wanted to help,” Merrick said. “Besides, we have more important things to be worried about than your cleanliness.”

“Ah, well, I appreciate it.” Chase headed over to the sofa. He noted Merrick’s godly powers had even extended down to the crumbs between the cushions. “Think you’d be willing to come by, like, once a week and do all that?”

“No,” Merrick replied with a wrinkle of his nose. “Now, when we see Mr. Romero tomorrow, we should arrive first thing to catch him off guard. If he has been producing fakes of the original painting to pass off for his scams, perhaps he knows how valuable the original is.”

“You mean that he knows there’s part of a ritual or some sexy stuff hidden behind the paint?”

“Precisely,” Merrick said, primly sitting down next to Chase. He looked up at the ceiling as he asked, “How are you feeling now? Well, I hope?”

“Definitely better than I have in a long time,” Chase replied. “Thanks for saving my life again.”

“And for cleaning your apartment.”

“Hey, I was gonna get around to the apartment eventually.” Chase smirked. “You didn’t have to do all that.”

“Yes, actually, I did—”

“Just had to get a peek at all my stuff, huh?” Chase teased. “Did you have fun looking around in the bedroom? Sorry to disappoint you, but my leather pants and ball gags are at the cleaners.”

“It is moments like these when I am not sure if you are joking or not, and I have no idea how to respond.” Merrick’s lips tugged up in a small smile. “I did not go into your bedroom.”

“Scared?”

“After seeing the rest of the apartment, I had legitimate reasons to be concerned.”

Chase laughed, and he was happy to see Merrick smile. “I’ll have you know that’s the cleanest room in this place. Don’t even waste your time in there.”

“Waste?” Merrick grinned.

“Yeah, you heard me. I’ve always tried to be a garbage can kinda guy, not a garbage can’t, and I like coming home to a clean bed, thank you.”

Now Merrick was laughing, and he teased, “Ah, heh, so the bed is clean, but what about the floor?”

“Just don’t ever look down. Problem solved!”

Merrick laughed again, and he actually seemed to relax. He leaned into the sofa, and Chase could see the tension leaving his shoulders.

“Hey, what has four wheels and flies?”

“What?”

“A garbage truck!”

Merrick snickered. “Oh, that is terrible!”

“Bah, you love it,” Chase said proudly. “I’ve now officially run through all three trash jokes I know, so don’t be expecting a big finish or anything.”

“I am quite satisfied. Thank you.”

“Mmm.” Chase sipped his scotch. He wasn’t sure what to say now, and the day’s many turbulent events left him feeling unsettled.

“What is it?” Merrick asked.

“Long-ass day.” Chase shrugged. “Somewhere in between the fire traps and dead bodies and finding out you’re a god….” He paused, unable to finish the thought. “Sorry.”

“Is this about the sock placement you referred to earlier?” Merrick frowned.

Cringing, Chase confirmed, “Ah, that’s definitely part of it.”

“I am sorry you have been hurt today,” Merrick said quietly, his body beginning to tighten up again. “I know my actions are responsible for some of it, but that was never my intention.”

“I’m sorry too.” Chase finished off his drink. “I wasn’t trying to piss you off either. It’s not every day you find out—” The man of your dreams. “—the guy you work with is a god, you know.”

“I am well aware.” Merrick hung his head. “I do not like it has changed us so much in one day. Your newfound affection for me is very flattering, but it is an undesired side effect.”

“Don’t you start that shit again,” Chase warned.

“What ‘shit’ is that, Chase?” Merrick countered. “Is it too much to want someone to desire me without having to reveal I am a god first?” He looked away, sullen and hurt. “Forget it. I said we weren’t going to discuss it, and here I am—”

“Oh no. We’re definitely talkin’ about it now, and you can take all your little threats about being transferred and shove ’em right up there with the sock.”

“Detective Chase!” Merrick gasped. “You cannot!”

“No.” Chase slammed the empty glass down and turned to face Merrick. “I’m not listening to this whole ‘wah, you only like me ’cause I’m a god’ bullshit for another second.”

“Detective—” Merrick’s brow furrowed up in anger.

“I’m in love with you,” Chase said firmly, watching Merrick’s rage fade into complete shock. He was determined to get this out, all of it, and finally tell Merrick how he felt. He reached for his hand and gave it a small squeeze. “Did you hear me?”

“Yes?” Merrick sounded confused, but he hadn’t pulled away.

“I’ve been in love with you for so long, I really don’t think I can’t not love you,” Chase went on. “I say stupid stuff and flirt and invite you over for no-pants time because I’m a big idiot, and I have no idea how to tell you how incredible I think you are. I wanted you way before I ever knew you were a fuckin’ god, and I mean, let’s face it. You were always like a god to me anyway, ’cause all I ever wanted to do was worship you.

“Just being near you was enough for me, just… just being able to work with you, to get to know you. I don’t care if you don’t wanna have any physical pleasures or whatever with me. I don’t care if you don’t ever wanna speak to me again and decide to get that transfer. But don’t you dare question how I feel about you after you made a bunch of crappy assumptions. I love you. You’re an idiot, but I still love you.”

“Elwood,” Merrick murmured, his eyes getting dark. His fingers awkwardly twined with Chase’s, and he was starting to breathe faster. “You… you truly mean all of that? All those wonderful things?”

“Yeah,” Chase said as he gulped back a wave of nerves. “Almost dying for the second time today has kinda lit a fire under my ass, I guess. Or maybe it was the third time. I’ve lost count. I just… I just can’t listen to you say that crap. Maybe you got it with mortals only wanting you ’cause you’re a god. I get it. But that’s not me.”

“You are really in love with me?” Merrick still sounded as if he couldn’t quite believe it.

“Some great detective you are,” Chase teased lightly. “Kinda been this way for a while.”

“I suspected that you desired me physically after the invitation of no pants, but I truly had no idea your feelings carried this depth.”

“Why else do you think I put up with your crap?”

“I must also confess my affections for you. I have had the most impure thoughts about you—”

“Me?”

“Yes,” Merrick replied earnestly. “And just as you do not want to hear me complain about my godly attributes preventing me from finding true passion, I do not want to hear you speak poorly of yourself.”

“I’m almost twice your age,” Chase said weakly. “I mean… come on.”

“Are you now?” Merrick smiled, and he looked downright sly. “I do believe I am much older than you.”

“Only by a few thousand years.” Chase laughed at the truth of it. “Damn cradle robber.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t ask. Right. Forget I said anything.”

“Even after all these years, I still find myself struggling with some mortal idioms.” Merrick sighed. “I have been struggling with a lot, to be honest. What I feel for you is… it makes it difficult to think. My affections have also surpassed mere physical desires, and I care about you very much.”

“What is there to think about?” Chase scooted a little closer. “I’m crazy about you. And you like me too. Can’t we just… could we try?”

“I am worried about what will happen if I give in to my passions,” Merrick replied softly. “We still have a job to do. We have sworn duties to uphold.”

“And we can do it together,” Chase promised. “Me and you.”

“You make it sound so easy.” Merrick smiled sadly.

“It can be,” Chase said, his heart pounding so hard he was certain Merrick could hear it. “If you want me, I’m yours. That’s kinda all there is to it.”

“And if I do not?”

“Then I get over it.” Chase’s gut lurched. “I get over it, and we ain’t gotta talk about this again. I’ve told you everything I wanted you to know.”

“Just like that?” Merrick brought his other hand over to rest on top of Chase’s. “You would not fight?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“It’s like what Ollie was saying about his guy,” Chase explained. “He could have tried to make Ted stay if he had told him the truth, but there wasn’t any point if Ted didn’t really love him. I wouldn’t want you to be with me out of some fucked-up pity. I want you to want me because you just… want to.”

“Oh, Elwood,” Merrick murmured, “I very much want to…. It violates our code of conduct, the strict tenets against fraternization, and would bring into question whether or not we could be unbiased when evaluating each other’s job performance.”

Chase’s heart squeezed in on itself deeper with every item that Merrick listed, and he really wanted another drink to soothe the pain. He knew there was always a chance Merrick would still reject him, but he had hoped….

“It’s okay,” Chase said suddenly, eager to go ahead and rip this Band-Aid off. “I get it. I know Merrick’s career is your big priority.” He pulled away. “I wanted you to know, and now you know, so—”

Merrick kissed him, hard, and didn’t let go.

Hands fumbling, Chase wasn’t sure if he should kiss back or not. He didn’t understand what Merrick wanted him to do, and Chase had to stop him. “Wait, all that stuff, you just said—”

“Yes, all the reasons why this is a terrible idea.”

“But then you kissed me!”

“I could have lost you twice today, and my most sincere regret would have been knowing I was letting mortal rules keep me from what I wanted,” Merrick said firmly. “I still must insist we maintain the highest standards for our profession even though we are involving ourselves romantically. Merrick’s career is very important to me, but… so are you.”

“You mean that?” Chase asked as he searched Merrick’s face, watching his eyes flicker from bright blue to those extraordinary black pools of stars. “We’re really gonna do this?”

“If you still want me after how I wounded you,” Merrick promised. “Yes.”

“Nothin’ but a scratch, baby boy,” Chase gushed, and he leaned in for a deep kiss. “Mm, as long as you’re not gonna suddenly change your fuckin’ mind, okay? I’m all in now.”

“I am also all in, as you say,” Merrick said, his hands stroking Chase’s beard. “I have never courted before, but I will do my best to ensure you feel loved and desired at all times.”

“Off the clock, of course,” Chase teased.

“Of course.” Merrick bowed his head and kissed down Chase’s neck, his tentacles unfurling from his sleeves. They reached out for Chase, hugged him close and worked at the buttons of his clothes.

“Before we get into any of that courting stuff,” Chase panted, leaning into Merrick’s hot mouth, “and that sounds really awesome, so very awesome, I gotta ask you somethin’.”

“What is it, Elwood?”

“What exactly are the chances of me gettin’ knocked up?”